The birch

The tree had swayed to the left, it was no longer a straighter darker tree, its branches were bending. It had reached a point in which it could no longer right itself. The ice storms had come. She sat alone at the third table amongst the commotion. There were noises of clanging in the background, loud chatter between strangers lingered, the familiar sound of lead on card stock was present, and the swishing of textbook pages was about. She sat sipping a fresh, sweetened Black Tea Lemonade with her spiral sprawled across the mahogany turned to a blank page. She began to write, as she did everyday. Her mind was full, this time with thoughts of emptiness and a sense of a void. Reflecting now, she realized that life was never as bad as she made it out to be, most make their trials more treacherous than necessary. Sure she had lost the love of her life, sure her family had fallen to pieces, sure she lost her faith, sure tears fell from her face many nights, but everything she ever wanted was given to her with a silver spoon, she had experienced love, she had money, she had opportunity, she had seen the world, she was free. What was missing? How could one miss that which one does not know? Would she ever know? Would the void ever fill? The room was quieter now and the sun was starting to fall. She realized that most days she put on a smile, a forced one. Most days she said she was fine, she was damaged at best. Most days she did nothing but fulfill the wishes of others, a hard days' work. Most days she did not speak, a loud choice. She wanted to give the commodities a rain check, maybe that was it. Maybe she needed to get away. Maybe she was really affected by the truths and tragedies. She had tried to find happiness, whatever that means, in every place possible. She traveled to the other side of the earth, she tried religion and it worked for awhile, she tried optimism, she tried sarcasm, she tried painting, she tried sports, she tried friends, she tried lust, she tried family, she tried love again, she tried music and it only numbed her, she tried work, she tried it all. She tried it all at the same time, only to create mass confusion. The birch, was completely bent now. It searched for the answer, the answer to set itself straight again, the answer to give it life again, the answer to fight the rain and wind. The birch like the flowers lay lodged.