Everything starts with a white blank page

Remembering the sound of her laugh when he would tell jokes, the flat line gave up and cracked a bit. Her heart still cringed from time to time, every so often her pillows were soaked by the night, and every night her mind was restless and being invaded by the memories. It has been awhile, hasn't it? She remembered the first time she saw him.. and the last, nostalgia was controlling her today- he would of been 21 yesterday. Though the scene wasn't of a fairy tale, the love was. She remembered the sky like eyes staring through her like none before, the unwavering look, the resolute presence. Comforting and still. He was wearing a grey jacket that was only zipped halfway showing his chest, fitting khaki cargos that lie just at his knees, a grey pair of Converse. She noticed his skin stained. One read, Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, another read, Keep the faith, and the last visible one read, And in time this too shall pass. She knew he had stories, she knew he had strength, she knew he was deep and those were things anyone could of told you if they looked long enough. He raised after finished, tucked the chords into his jacket, retrieved a piece of blank copy paper and a black marker that was drying out, wrote his number and short name along with a winky face, crumbled the paper up and threw it at her.. he had always been a writer. He threw his head back and released a boyish smirk when she caught it, as if he was waiting for someone who could hold on to what he had to say. Later she would learn that he wasn't going to be here for long whether it was one thing or another. I wish he was here. He would know what to do. Actually, if he was here the situation wouldn't even exist. I wouldn't want anyone else. Why? I don't know if I can take another one. She knew this feeling before, she cherished this feeling before, she lived to feel this feeling before. Every morning wake to a 'good morning', every night drift from a 'good night'. The last time it had ended faster than she could say goodbye and was more heart wrenching than anything she had felt before. Fearful, restless still. I wish that I hadn't caught that piece of paper, I wish I would have been late to that appointment, I wish I didn't look straight into people's eyes the first time I saw them. It sure would have saved some trouble. That wasn't true in the slightest. She loved every waking moment next to him and every moment she dreamt of him. Every time he grasped her left hand, every time he looked straight into her eyes, every time he traced her figure, every innocent kiss, every time they melted plastic silverware, every breath, everything. Gone, not forgotten. It was bittersweet and raging, she knew from the start that he wouldn't be here for long and that wasn't even what took him away. She had learned from him and what she learned followed her around more than the nostalgia lingering in her every footstep. She had trusted her heart and her seas did catch fire, she was trying to keep the faith and that saying never quite seemed to go away, and she knew that time along with everything else would pass. He would always be with her just because he never left by choice, someone else took him away but it was time. Time to take a step back, time to restart, time to let go. She didn't think it was possible but if there had been one thing she had learned over the last year it was that anything was possible. For better or worse. The off week had done anything but given her mind a break. It relentlessly reminded her of love and loss, of the light and dark, and most of all.. the things she longed for but couldn't have. She had never been the wanting type, never the greedy one, but when that little annoying burn in her heart said she needed something, all else was put to the side and all focus was placed on what that one thing was. She spent the last 13 months thinking all love does was break and burn and end but soon she would watch it begin again. One once told her that beauty is coming, and it is.